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If someone comes to see me for therapy, they receive my undivided attention whether I find them interesting or likable. If I was too busy sending out flirty signals, I would miss getting to know someone in a truly authentic way. It is likely not nearly as personal as you think it is. I expect people to be guarded starting out, and I tell them that I not only it. Be willing to explore the relationship, rather than make immediate demands on it.
Essentially, the question becomes…is it your stuff or theirs? If their behavior is upsetting or anxiety provoking in any way, listen for cues that other people have the same response to that person.
I was no longer in my early 20s, but neither were the men I met.
Maturity was part of it, but an even more important factor was my therapeutic training (I had completed my masters and Ph D while married to my late husband).
I truly believe that dating like a therapist helped me find the man I am completely crazy about, and I wanted to share the benefit of these experiences with others in the dating market.
I’d like to share some insights with you, and save you the years of graduate school and student loan debt that it took for me to figure it out.